


Patent # HC567654-271

by lil_1337



Series: Sneaky!Steve [1]
Category: Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Captain America, Iron Man (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Gen, Pre-Slash, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-13
Updated: 2012-07-13
Packaged: 2017-11-09 22:02:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/458932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lil_1337/pseuds/lil_1337
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve is confused, Tony is helpful and Clint is a little shit.  Or so it would seem...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Patent # HC567654-271

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cailamaia](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=cailamaia).



> A/N: The idea for this came about on the 4th of July because [](http://cailamaia.livejournal.com/profile)[**cailamaia**](http://cailamaia.livejournal.com/) showed me [this picture](http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b269/lil_1337/th_tumblr_m6b1401xV61r9drwqo1_500.jpg) and we proceeded to discuss what Steve's reaction to it would be. Then it decided to go its own way once I started writing it as per usual. Huge kudos to the person who created the picture in the first place. It is awesome on so many levels.

“Tony?”

Steve's query was answered by a hum of acknowledgment and nothing more.

“What are these?”

This time Tony looked up from what he was soldering, taking in first the look of bemused confusion – bemusion - that was so familiar then moving on to the string of small silver pillows dangling from Steve's hand.

“Condoms, otherwise known as rubbers or raincoats, would be my guess.” Tony's attention was already drifting back to his unfinished project. “Used to prevent pregnancy and STIs. You probably remember them being called STDs or maybe crabs.”

“I know what STIs are.” Steve could feel the blush infusing his face at Tony's raised eyebrow. “I mean I've _heard_ of them. I've never had one myself. That is...” Steve shook himself and thrust the string of condoms at Tony. “I know they're _condoms_ and what they're for. What I want to know is why my shield is printed on them.”

Tony paused, frowning, before he turned off the soldering iron and set it down. Carefully he took the packets from Steve. He turned them over in his hand and sure enough there was a replica of Captain America's shield on each one. Each picture was printed dead center and conveniently about the size of the rolled up prophylactic inside so the shield retained it's concave shape.

“Huh.” Tony grinned and handed them back. “From a marketing standpoint that makes a lot of sense. A shield is used for protection and who has the most powerful shield? Captain America of course. Your weapon is a symbol for barrier birth control. Good for you.” He pushed the button on the soldering iron only to watch as Steve turned it off again.

“Why were they in your coat pocket?”

“I'm sorry, what?” Tony blinked, made a face, then blinked again. “I've never seen those before.”

“They fell out of your pocket when I went to hang up the jacket you left on the couch last night.” Steve harmphed, eyes narrowing as he shook the offending condoms at Tony. “Why are carrying around condoms with a picture of my shield on them? Are you using them to pick up dames?”

“I was not out picking up _dames_ last night. Clint and I went out for drinks and _son of a bitch_!” Tony all but levitated out of the chair and was already moving across the lab. Yelling, “Barton if I catch you, you are a dead man,” as he went.

When Tony was out of earshot Steve stuffed all but one the condoms in the pocket of his slacks. Humming 'Star Spangled Man With A plan' he _accidentally_ dropped the single one onto the bench next to Tony's cooling soldering iron. Operation 'equate Steve with sex' had gone off without a hitch. Now, onto phase two, which would involve innocently losing various clothing articles.


End file.
